and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
