You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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