12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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