she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
