I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
