Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
