I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
