thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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