WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
