she woke up with a sticky ear
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
