I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
