wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
