the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My butt remains clenched, sir.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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