Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
