Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
