I wish my penis had an off switch
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
