I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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