you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
