did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
COCAINE IS GR8
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
