I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
