I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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