I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
