so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
