You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
