my mouth tastes like poor choices
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
