i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
my poor anus
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
