Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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