i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
