drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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