ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
