well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
