Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
