I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
