you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
