omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
