that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
