Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
