This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
