I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
