I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
