dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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