I'm so fucking centered right now
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
