New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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