its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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