I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
3pm strippers are depressing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
