my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
