peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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