By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
