Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
