Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
