Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
