it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His hands were made for my vagina.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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