I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
