I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
