I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
