ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
