Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
