Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
