Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
