it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
