i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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