i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
