Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
