what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
